I usually wake up about 6am during my schooling days to get ready and pray at the altar before going to school. Every 1st and 15th of the Chinese lunar calendar, I will leave earlier for school, to reach there before 7 so that I can make my way the Temple of the Goddess of Mercy to pray and be back before the school start. On these two days, I will also be a vegetarian, hoping that I will please gods I prayed to since as young as my mind can remember. Certain days, I will be at the Buddhist temple offering food to the monks and when examinations are near, I will hike to a mountain temple to pray and asked for blessings. There I will collect some pencils to be used during examinations and only to hike back after the exams to return the pencils that I had borrowed with new ones.
At home, as the eldest son and being the favorite and eldest grandson, a lot of traditional practices were to be carried out by me. Without fail, I will clean the altar and pray, and also to prepare the food offering to the gods we have at home. However, doing all these doesn’t give me any peace and assurance in any kind I hope to find but only to bring more anxiety in me. I am afraid if I have forgotten any occasion that I need to pray or if I had forget to return any of the pencils or foods that I collected from the temple for blessings, and the karma will brings me more harm.
Leaving home for university brings more anxiety to me and I try to locate a temple that is near to the campus for me to pray was futile. As times goes by, I get used to the life that is only focusing on myself and also studies. Before long, I have completed my bachelor but I was determined to pursue further most of my friends and course mates’ looks for jobs. As a Penangite, I just want to go back home and look for opportunities nearer to home to study but as people says, destiny itself brought me back to Kajang to further my studies.
Coming back here for my master and subsequent PhD was lonely. Most of the people I knows have moved back to their hometown after completing their degree. Being a person, who speaks mostly in English and poorly in Mandarin, only makes my circle of friends smaller. However, during one my diving trip, I met some friends that brought me to church. There I met up with some of my secondary schoolmates and friends. Because of the friendships that I found, I keep coming back on Sunday, just for fellowship.
As time goes by, I felt the love of God and the peace that I have been longing for. The joys of singing during worship just helps me to have the calmness that can’t be explain but only can be experience. I knew, at that time, this is what I wanted. However, my decision to accept Christ as my personal savior was hold back when I think of the responsibilities that I need to fulfill at home as a son and grandson. I imagine how my grandparents will be so disappointed with me and how I will breaks their heart, when I them I am now a Christian. This struggle for a while, but deep down I knew, this is what I wanted. Few months later, I accepted Christ as my Lord and I start to serve Him faithfully. However, more importantly, I knew, my service for Him gives me pure joy and not fear. I served because I love Him not out of obligations but with liberty I have in this relationship that I enjoyed personally.
Nevertheless, problems of breaking the news to my family about me being a Christian was hard. I never had the courage to tell my parents nor my grandparents whom I grew up with. Every time, they brought up the issues of filial piety and that I need to fulfill my responsibility especially during Chinese New Year, I will avoid it. Soon enough, they suspected that I am now a Christian, as I no longer pray when I visited them. However, all the while, they kept quite and so do I.
In church, I continue to serve in different ministry and also participated in mission trip locally and overseas. Whenever I go for a mission trip, my family members will just assume that I am traveling for research; they never asked and I never explained. However, I never failed to pray for their salvation and even pray for myself to have the courage to let them know that I am now a Christian. I tried to go back home more often and called them more. I knew, they want me to go home. This is one of the ways I try to tell them, I am still with the family though I am a Christian.
The day came when I have to break the piece of news to my family when I introduce to them my girlfriend, now my wife. I prayed that they will not reject her nor objected to the relationship since she is a Christian. I thanked God that everything goes well.
About 2 years later, I had to let them know we want to get married, but it will be in church. As usual, we prayed fervently and God answered our prayer. They consented for the church ceremony. I praised the Lord that it was my grandfather who actually defended us for the church ceremony when some relatives objected it. All the while, I was afraid that he will not take the news well but God open doors for us. I knew how hard he was with his own brother when he found out that his brother now is a Christian.
During the wedding, my parent and grandparent sat in the church together with all my relatives who travels from different part of the country to witness our holy matrimony. It was also the first time for most of my relatives to be in church and listen to the Good News. This has been my prayer since I accepted Christ, that all of them to be given a chance to come to church and listen to the Words of God.
Now that they have known, I prayed that God will continue to open doors and give me the opportunity to share with them about how a King actually will die for His children, so that we may live. I pray that all of them will come to acknowledge Jesus as their personal savior too, and it will not just be another religion they knew but never experience.
Every time, when I saw the picture of my parent and grandparent sitting in the church, I remember Psalm 105: 4-5 says Look to the Lord and His strength; seek His face always. Remember the wonders He has done because in Jeremiah 29:11 says He has plans for us which is good, with a future and a hope. I thanked God for His goodness and grace that He continues to shower upon us and doors that He is opening for us.
At home, as the eldest son and being the favorite and eldest grandson, a lot of traditional practices were to be carried out by me. Without fail, I will clean the altar and pray, and also to prepare the food offering to the gods we have at home. However, doing all these doesn’t give me any peace and assurance in any kind I hope to find but only to bring more anxiety in me. I am afraid if I have forgotten any occasion that I need to pray or if I had forget to return any of the pencils or foods that I collected from the temple for blessings, and the karma will brings me more harm.
Leaving home for university brings more anxiety to me and I try to locate a temple that is near to the campus for me to pray was futile. As times goes by, I get used to the life that is only focusing on myself and also studies. Before long, I have completed my bachelor but I was determined to pursue further most of my friends and course mates’ looks for jobs. As a Penangite, I just want to go back home and look for opportunities nearer to home to study but as people says, destiny itself brought me back to Kajang to further my studies.
Coming back here for my master and subsequent PhD was lonely. Most of the people I knows have moved back to their hometown after completing their degree. Being a person, who speaks mostly in English and poorly in Mandarin, only makes my circle of friends smaller. However, during one my diving trip, I met some friends that brought me to church. There I met up with some of my secondary schoolmates and friends. Because of the friendships that I found, I keep coming back on Sunday, just for fellowship.
As time goes by, I felt the love of God and the peace that I have been longing for. The joys of singing during worship just helps me to have the calmness that can’t be explain but only can be experience. I knew, at that time, this is what I wanted. However, my decision to accept Christ as my personal savior was hold back when I think of the responsibilities that I need to fulfill at home as a son and grandson. I imagine how my grandparents will be so disappointed with me and how I will breaks their heart, when I them I am now a Christian. This struggle for a while, but deep down I knew, this is what I wanted. Few months later, I accepted Christ as my Lord and I start to serve Him faithfully. However, more importantly, I knew, my service for Him gives me pure joy and not fear. I served because I love Him not out of obligations but with liberty I have in this relationship that I enjoyed personally.
Nevertheless, problems of breaking the news to my family about me being a Christian was hard. I never had the courage to tell my parents nor my grandparents whom I grew up with. Every time, they brought up the issues of filial piety and that I need to fulfill my responsibility especially during Chinese New Year, I will avoid it. Soon enough, they suspected that I am now a Christian, as I no longer pray when I visited them. However, all the while, they kept quite and so do I.
In church, I continue to serve in different ministry and also participated in mission trip locally and overseas. Whenever I go for a mission trip, my family members will just assume that I am traveling for research; they never asked and I never explained. However, I never failed to pray for their salvation and even pray for myself to have the courage to let them know that I am now a Christian. I tried to go back home more often and called them more. I knew, they want me to go home. This is one of the ways I try to tell them, I am still with the family though I am a Christian.
The day came when I have to break the piece of news to my family when I introduce to them my girlfriend, now my wife. I prayed that they will not reject her nor objected to the relationship since she is a Christian. I thanked God that everything goes well.
About 2 years later, I had to let them know we want to get married, but it will be in church. As usual, we prayed fervently and God answered our prayer. They consented for the church ceremony. I praised the Lord that it was my grandfather who actually defended us for the church ceremony when some relatives objected it. All the while, I was afraid that he will not take the news well but God open doors for us. I knew how hard he was with his own brother when he found out that his brother now is a Christian.
During the wedding, my parent and grandparent sat in the church together with all my relatives who travels from different part of the country to witness our holy matrimony. It was also the first time for most of my relatives to be in church and listen to the Good News. This has been my prayer since I accepted Christ, that all of them to be given a chance to come to church and listen to the Words of God.
Now that they have known, I prayed that God will continue to open doors and give me the opportunity to share with them about how a King actually will die for His children, so that we may live. I pray that all of them will come to acknowledge Jesus as their personal savior too, and it will not just be another religion they knew but never experience.
Every time, when I saw the picture of my parent and grandparent sitting in the church, I remember Psalm 105: 4-5 says Look to the Lord and His strength; seek His face always. Remember the wonders He has done because in Jeremiah 29:11 says He has plans for us which is good, with a future and a hope. I thanked God for His goodness and grace that He continues to shower upon us and doors that He is opening for us.
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